I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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