so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
