Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
