I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
