The maid of honor just puked.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
