My friends, they love my intelligence
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
