Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
