I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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