new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Randomize
