Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
