News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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