Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
