I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
