let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
