Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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