pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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