i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
