When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
