nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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