If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
