HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
