Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
