I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
