the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
