so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize