I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
we should paint friendship bongs
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
