Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
