You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
