the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize