Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
