My nipple is on Facebook.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
