Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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