Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Randomize
