Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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