lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
