Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
