I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
