she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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