I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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