is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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