I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Terrible idea I love it
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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