Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
