I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
