It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
