help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
