I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
