I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Randomize
