Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
They have beer where we have blood.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I need mimosas to revive my soul
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
