I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
