Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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