you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
