Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
