Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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