We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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