Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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