just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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