Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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