I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
