Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize