how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
