So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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