maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ ðŸ‘ðŸ¼
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
