So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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