Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
