Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
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