Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
