so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
they need to just BURY HIM!
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
