help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize