R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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