I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
