Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
