her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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