Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
