He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
