Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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