Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize