3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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