Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
