Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize