i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
