He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
false alarm, still single
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
