Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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