i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize