I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
