I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
