I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
