You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
