last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
