I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
