how can u be prego again
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Of course I have a pirate flag
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize