Swine flu. Run for my life!
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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