I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
