man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
